She's
by Kat Kat B
Summary: Anakin/Padme songfic oneshot. Vader has a moment or two alone to muse over his life and lost love. Song is "She's" by Ryan Cabera.


She's

**She's **

Anakin/Padme songfic oneshot. Song is "She's " by Ryan Cabera. Do not sue because I do not own!! Lucas does, darn him!

_Italics=_ flashback

Bold italics= lyrics

Normal= present

_**She looks into my eyes **_

_**I'm alive again**_

_I stroll down the hallway of the Atrium, making small talk with a Senator, I think his name was Organa. I wasn't really paying attention. I was looking around, trying not to make it too obvious that I really didn't care about his proposal for…something. I don't recall exactly what. Then I see her._

_Her eyes captivate me. In the_

_dim corner, her eyes shine brightly; brown orbs of fire that carry no flaw in their beauty. When my eyes connect with hers, time stops. My breathing slows until its nonexistent. Electricity like Force lightening crackles in the air, filling the space between our bodies. _

_**And when she says good-bye **_

_**I just die again**_

_I excuse myself from the Senator, allowing him to continue until he was out of sight, and then I bound over to the colossal column where she stays in hiding for me. A brief, fiery reunion ensues. I hold her tightly, vowing to never forget the smell of her hair, the silky shimmer of her skin against my rough, war-hardened exterior._

**That's when my restlessness begins **

_**Please don't let it win **_

_**I'm so tired again**_

"_I can't believe they've kept us apart so long." She whispers, the coolness of her breath tickling my ear. I kiss her on the neck, trying to banish the fears and worries that she is so often laden with. _

"_Me neither. It was hell without you." I say just as quietly, still holding my angel close. She slowly draws away and I let her slide out of my embrace. She's hiding something._

"_Annie…Annie, I'm pregnant."_

_**But underneath the haze **_

**One thing still remains the same**

_Shock spread across my face. Pregnant? Children? Us? I was happy, beyond what any words could say. I felt like my smile was going to break my face. Then the reality hit me full on like a speeder out of control. This pregnancy would be the biggest scandal the galaxy had seen in ages. She would be dismissed from her position as Senator. I would be expelled from the Jedi Order. And quite frankly, I didn't care. Let the Lost Twenty become the Lost Twenty-One. I couldn't run away from my family. _

_**She's the only love I've known **_

_**And now she's gone away**_

But that was all in the past. I am no longer the weak being known as Anakin Skywalker, the Hero With No Fear. Ha. If they had known me truly, they would not have been so caught up in their idol worship. I had been afraid everyday that I would lose my angel. I was the Hero with Every Fear. And, in the end, after I had fought so long to save her, I killed her. I don't remember it really. Palpatine had told me when I woke up like this. I stared down in disgust at the forever-beeping control panel wired to my chest. It revolted me, knowing this is now what I am, and forever will be. If I stopped breathing, the machines would just restart. There is no escape.

_**She's the light that brought me to the edge **_

_**But will I ever love again?**_

I can't remember how it feels to feel. I have become a machine worse than Grievous ever was. I was the monster my old self had fought to destroy. I saw no more meaning in life, no reason to awaken and plod through another day.

_**She walked into my life **_

And my world was still

"_Are you an angel?" _

It was an innocent question. I wanted to know what she was. She couldn't be human; I had seen enough of the scum of the galaxy, even at the tender age of ten, to know mankind could not produce something so beautiful. It felt like the planet beneath me stopped spinning. Nothing moved, nothing breathed. Except for her.

_**She reached into my soul**_

_**And all my doubts were killed**_

"_I heard you. Last night." She squeaked out the words, almost as if she were uncertain it had really been me. "You had a nightmare."_

_I stood coldly, my back turned to her, hands clasped behind my back, eyes closed to the hell I was in. _

"_Jedi don't have nightmares."_

_**That's when my loneliness subsided**_

_**She gave me the will**_

"_We can't do this." She sat before me, clad in a revealing black dress. Right there, I professed my love. It came out in words so eloquent that I wondered if a spirit of light had possessed me. I could not fathom the language I used. She kissed me deeply, passionately, like she needed me in addition to wanting me. I kissed back, praying it wouldn't end like last time. It didn't. _

I could fight it

She made me believe I was worthy of something. She helped me see it was possible to fight my demons. Or so my naïve younger self thought. Nothing can erase the blackness anymore. It is not a stain. It's like my blood had been sucked out and pure evil had been injected into my system. I can't fight it.

_**Nothing could erase the **_

_**One thing that remains the same**_

"Padme." I mutter weakly. I am in my containment chamber; I have no need of my helmet. My lungs wheeze as I breathe in. "I...love…you." I am able to spit this much out between coughing spells. I still do. I know I do, deep down, but I can't feel it. It's there, I know it is. How else am I alive?

_**She's the only love I've known**_

_**And now she's gone away**_

And it's all my fault. I was her killer, her murderer. I was going to have to live with that for as long as these machines would pump life into me.

_**She's the light that brought me to the edge **_

_**But will I ever love again**_

I can't feel. Not only physically, but my emotions have faded. Let them. It makes me stronger. When I was still Anakin Skywalker, I would have regretted killing as many people as I have. But I don't. They were either useless peons or rebellious idiots trying to be more then they are. They're nothing now.

So just tell me what I should do

_**I left everything for you**_

I don't know who to be, what to do. I want to love her so, even though she's gone. I want to be fearless. I want to be strong enough to save someone the next time I am called upon to do so.

"I…I'm…sorry…Padme…" I hack out once again. I can barely breathe, even in this oxygen rich environment.

_**And I can't hardly breathe**_

Cuz I know I lost you from my world

_**From my heart**_

I wonder suddenly if it's the chamber. I run an analysis in my mind of the shiny prison I encase myself in. With the aid of the Force, I see nothing is wrong with it. I can't allow her to control me anymore. I have to be fearless. I have to be strong. I have to be invincible. I cannot have a weakness like love.

My pasty fingers find a hologram of her on our wedding day, slightly fuzzy because of its age. I stroke her cheek lightly, for the last time, I decide. I cannot have a chink in my armor like her. I throw the hologram to the floor, where it shatters into tiny particles.

_**She's the only love I've known **_

_**And now she's gone away**_

_**She's the light that brought me to the edge **_

_**But will I ever love again?**_

I command the system to replace my helmet with a wave of my hand. My mask secured, I raise the top of the chamber and exit. One of the fools outside stands at attention.

"Clean up the mess." I flick my hand in the direction of the shattered holo. He moves, shaking in fear of me, towards the pieces, slowly cleaning them up. I leave, satisfied with the results.

Out in space, a Corellian cargo ship hides in the garbage ejected by the Imperial Destroyer. Pieces of plastiglass tear apart one of the radars.

When they land, Leia picks the shards out of the radar. Holding them, she notices an eye on one piece, the image of a dress on another. Gathering each part carefully, she goes back inside and puts them back together. Once arranged, the fuzzy image of a man and a woman locked in an embrace comes to life before Leia's eyes. The woman looks undeniably familiar.

"Beautiful...and yet so sad." She muses. Finding some repairing gel in a toolbox near Han's head, she spreads it over the holo. The image brightens noticeably. She swiped a rag from where Han was repairing the food synth and wraps the holo in it.

"Your Highness, I'm not going to get it fixed unless you stop stealing my stuff." He growls.

"Shut up." She snaps back. He meekly returns to the synth, which was now spewing green fluid at him.

"Chewie!" She calls, then left Han with his dysfunctional ship. She placed the holo among her things, hoping one day to discover who the man was.

"Mother." She whispers quietly, tracing the woman's cheek with her finger.

s

**She's the only love I've known**

_**And now she's gone away**_

_**She's the light that brought me to the edge **_

_**But will I ever love again?**_

**Love it hate it do anything but flame it!**


End file.
